May 6, 2025 by
You sit down with someone you’ve known your whole life, and suddenly, you’re not sure what to say. The stories they used to tell don’t come as easily. The questions you ask might be met with confusion. And what used to be a comfortable back-and-forth can feel like walking through fog. If you’ve been there, you’re not alone. Changes in conversational comfort are incredibly common when caring for someone with dementia.
Though conversations may not unfold the way they once did, staying connected in spite of dementia is still possible. It just takes a different kind of listening, a willingness to follow their lead, and a little creativity to meet them where they are.
Start With Emotion, Not Facts
Dementia often changes the way someone recalls or shares memories. And that can be hard when you feel like you’re losing pieces of the person you love. But here’s something fascinating: research shows that older adults, even those with memory loss, often retain emotional memories more strongly than factual ones.
So instead of asking, “Do you remember when we went to the beach in 1989?” try saying, “I always think of you when I hear the sound of waves.” You might be surprised at what surfaces when you tap into a feeling rather than a fact.
Let the Conversation Wander
There’s no rule that says a conversation has to make perfect sense to be meaningful. If the person says something unexpected or even inaccurate, it’s okay to go with it. Correcting them can sometimes cause frustration or shame. But meeting them in their reality can build trust and confidence.
If they say, “Did you feed the cat?” (and you haven’t had a cat in 30 years), instead of replying, “We don’t have a cat,” you might say, “You always took such good care of your pets.” Then gently shift the topic to something more grounded in the present.
Connection Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated
Sometimes the most powerful moments come without words at all. Holding hands. Sharing a snack. Listening to a favorite song. These little connections can say more than a full conversation ever could. And when talking feels hard, silence doesn’t have to feel empty. It can be a form of closeness in itself.
Laughter Still Belongs Here
Conversations with someone who has dementia might feel heavy, but that doesn’t mean there’s no room for humor. A shared laugh over a silly moment or a joke that lands just right can bring lightness to both of you. And that kind of joy is still very much part of the journey.
You Don’t Have to Figure It All Out Alone
If conversations have started feeling like one more thing you’re struggling to “get right,” know this: it’s okay to need support. Having help with daily tasks or simply knowing someone is there to keep your family member engaged and safe can give you more space to just be present as a daughter, son, spouse, or friend.
With At Home Independent Living, we support families in Syracuse, Camillus, Clay, and throughout Central New York with in-home dementia care that’s grounded in compassion, patience, and connection. Want to learn more about how we can help you create more meaningful moments with someone you love? Give us a call at (315) 579-HOME (4663). We’re here when you need us.